I fumble the glue pot, so the spreader stays inexplicably wedged between my chubby fingers while the sticky mass of PVA travels towards my toes. And worse, the classroom’s corner story-time carpet.
My eyes screw up so that I can’t see the inevitable: the pot explodes child-safe adhesive all over the butt-worn carpeting, like a pie plummeting onto the pavement from grown-up heights.
I hold my breath and squint, one-eyed, through the frames of my splotchy glasses. Yup, it’s as bad as I thought. The classroom takes a collective breath as all eyes turn to teacher.
A pre-emptive “I’m so sorry!” makes its way out of my mouth and then I realize through my bubble of embarrassment that she’s… yelling?
Screaming, would be more like. And I know I should be listening as she waves her hands widely and lets loose as though I did this on purpose. But instead my brain shuts down as the shame of her response wraps its way around my face like a too-tight scarf.
The next thing I know, my eight year old legs are powering me back to my desk. I sweep up the plastic box – still baby wipe stinky – and stuff as much stationary in there as I can. My fingers are shaking with what I’ll later know is the kind of indignant anger that I will find it impossible to summon as an adult.
I snap, pressing down on Pampers’ embossed farm animals. And I stomp with all my eight year old might out of the classroom. I pound through the ground floor hall, down the corridor, through yet-another door that someone should probably be watching and, finally, out into the playground.
My house sits at the end of the street, so I can practically see my father’s un-apologetically sunshine-hued front door from here. I tuck my case to my chest and head home. Because a teacher is definitely not supposed to shout at me. I know that for sure.
The flaw in my plan is obvious as soon as I reach the door and ring the bell. My parents are, predictably for a week day, at work. And I don’t have a key. Because, you know, I’m eight.
So I slap the damn pencil case to the stoop and circle the neighborhood, cross an enormous busy road – carefully, at the zebra crossing, duh – and announce loudly inside the office: “MUUUUUUUUUUM! MRS A WAS MEAN TO ME!”
At which point, the screaming starts. I look around at the commotion enveloping me. Man, adults are weird. All I wanna do is go home.
It occurs to me, almost 30 years later, that I had a stronger sense of self then than I did for most of my adult life that would follow. I like to remember that somewhere inside me still is that little girl who knew what she was worth & how she should be spoken to. Especially, and most of all, by herself.
Looking for more seed cycling stuff?
- Fig Tahini Seed Cycling Energy Balls (luteal phase)
- Blackberry Blueberry Seed Cycling Smoothie (follicular phase)
- Strawberry Sunflower Seed Cycling Smoothie (luteal phase)
Fudgy Chocolate Cherry Seed Cycling Balls (nut & coconut free)
These rich fudgy seed cycling balls are the perfect way to seed cycle without the hassle. Enjoy these choco-cherry treats each day of the follicular phase.
- Prep Time: 15 minutes
- Total Time: 15 minutes
- Yield: 16 seed cycling balls 1x
- Category: snack, treat
- Method: no cook
- Cuisine: gluten free, grain free, nut free, paleo, whole30
- 1/2 cup / 80 g golden flax seeds
- 6 pitted medjool dates
- 1 cup / 150 g raw pumpkin seeds
- 3/4 cup / 135 g unsweetened dried cherries
- 3 tbsp / 18 g cacao powder
- 2 scoops / 20 g unflavored collagen peptides, a scant 1/4 cup, optional
- 1 tsp / 4 g beet powder, optional
- Pinch of salt
GRIND: Measure the flax seeds into a spice grinder (or mini food processor with a solid grind button / function). Grind the seeds until they form an evenly textured powder that is barely starting to clump together.
CHOP: In a 14 cup food processor, add the pitted dates and pulse until very roughly chopped. If your dates are a little older or drier, add up to 1 tablespoon / 15 milliliters of very hot water before chopping to help soften them up.
PROCESS: Add the ground flaxseed and all other ingredients to the food processor bowl. Process until evenly combined and the mixture is starting to clump together. If you take a small amount of the mixture from the bowl and press it together in your hands, it should hold together nicely. If not, add very hot water 1 teaspoon / 5 milliliters at a time, and process again until it holds together. Use the least amount of water possible or it will end up very sticky!
ROLL: Divide the mixture into 16 pieces and roll them between your hands into 1 1/2 inch / 3.8 centimeter balls. If you like, roll them in any one of the extra garnishes to finish. Best stored at room temperature for a more fudgey texture, but will also keep in an airtight container in the fridge.